i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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