if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
