OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
