Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so let's talk penis.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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