let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
