I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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