If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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