You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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