I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
