I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
