I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You are a genius and a whore.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
