your parents love me but you hate me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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