You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
