last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
