What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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