I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
