Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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