He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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