I have demons in me.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
