I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
