1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
