So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
