Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
