I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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