i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
