Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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