I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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