we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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