I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
