just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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