I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
