I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
