sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
