Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
