the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
