Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
