girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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