so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
