Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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