Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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