genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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