Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
