so that wasnt chicken after all
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
