I am puke
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
