apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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