Michael Bay diarrhea
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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