we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
