I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
