so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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