Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
