i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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