What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
