We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
