Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
