That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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