umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
