This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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