I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
