And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
