I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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