hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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