You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
