Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
