i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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