Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
