Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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