My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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