Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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