It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
